save your relationship
It’s said everyone doesn’t get chances. Well, you did. Remember why you lost it in the first place. Remember how much of you and your time and your effort was taken from you to reach to this stage again. Don’t take them for granted. Don’t make this thought occur to them that they question being back with you. Choose your words, more importantly your actions.
I am no relationship expert and may be my views wont resonate with many or maybe they would. In every relationship there is one person who is more battered, more insecure, more moreish. This ‘more’ stems out their fears that originated from your behaviour. Rightfully so you would have them too but the one who decides to get back already has an upper hand because he or she has come to terms with a lot more things than the other one has. It becomes more of your responsibility to bring them home, to make them see the light. Because its you who have decided to accept their bad and buried your insecurities. But the other one is still struggling. Be human and giving towards them, if they are insecure, you have a part to play in it, may be a big one. Think how much stress they would be undergoing just living every hour with the burden of uncertainty. In your mind you may be all set, but is it not a part of love to reassure, to make the other get home? If they aren’t able to walk, lift them. You cant expect your expectations to be fulfilled by them till you get them in the safe zone. you have been at war, each one defending their own self, they are still saving themselves a heartbreak while you have survived. Allow them to trust. Till they stop being fearful. Till they sleep well, they wont get up happy.
When you get back, the first few months are very critical. They set the course of the relationship. Don’t be inhuman to them by showing everything and taking it back after a few days. Yes life changes every day, every moment but think about the time when they weren’t there and everything was so meaningless. So fragile. Will you like all that you are doing today if you don’t have them? If the answer is yes… don’t read further. If it's no, then may be my words will resonate. Does just working give you happiness or working for them makes you happier. If it’s the latter then don’t sacrifice them for the former.
Be happy that they want to stay connected. That means they want you to be a part of every small thing they do. In a way they are seeking your approval on their things, they are validating the compatibility silently, they trust you to be there always. They are offering you space again, make it yours. Don’t run from it like you did earlier. Don’t betray them this time. When you own that space you become irreplaceable, they offer this to you because they want it to be like that.
Make that effort today before you lose it again. Don’t underestimate the power of a good morning call from your bed, it assures the other one that you were the first thought when they woke up. Try to give comfort by doing things not by saying them. When you give reasons for being unavailable, you may be right but what one hears is its failing again. Because that’s how it failed before too.
It’s like someone being allergic to a particular fruit. How would you stop the allergy? Just by not giving the fruit! Right? You can’t make them eat little or more of it or dip the fruit in marmalade and give it to them and not expect allergy but something else. They are allergic to it. Period. And for the health of your relationship you will have to avoid that fruit. Period.
When you say something, when you commit to a plan, do not alter it for the world. Stay on it. When you stay on your words you show reliability. You show that you mean everything you say. When you alter it for other things it shows a pattern of being frivolous and casual. And believe you me no one who is in love wants their relationship casual. Do you?
When they do something for you. Cook, make your home better, write for you…to you…about you, take good care of your family when you are not around, acknowledge them. It will just take a few minutes of your time to say or write back or post or call but it will mean the world to them because you are whom they are doing all this for. Don’t make them feel small. If they can make time to do it, you can at least find 1/100th time to talk to them about it.
Being consistent is they key. It has to be like discipline, like a ritual not always but for the time they come home and trust me when they do, they will make it bliss for you. Your few months of consistency will reward you into a lifetime of happiness. They will always remember this courtesy and the extra love that you paved their way with.
Allow them homecoming. Don’t leave them to wander. Take good care of them if you say they belong to you. Be nice to them. For once don’t make yourself a priority. Make them and they wont take advantage of it. Show them more, preempt and do things, don’t be reactive be proactive. For once. There is not always enough time. They would be thinking about all this all through the day and night. They would be tossing. Don’t be cruel to them if you love them. Yes, it may be hard on you but there will be a time they will reciprocate, multifold. You don’t invest for a few days and ask returns…right? Don’t let your doubts cloud you, don’t make something so beautiful strive and bleed to death. You wont be happy about it.
Loss doesn’t announce itself before coming. It just shows up accidentally.